a double large for me ...

iniquitous, bitter but soothing;

with every drop constituting a quantum of solace;

erupts the anguish entrenched deep in dams at covert places;

apart from the illusions and fancies of life;

everyone succumbs if he smacks of the realities that are rife;

may be all find you deplorable;

but in yourself you will be the one who was once capable ...

looking for myself

Flashing lights in the sky in a stormy weather along with loud roars always turn me on besides a fear that automatically gets cropped inside my heart. In my childhood, I was told that whenever our mother nature gets angry she expresses herself this way.

A powerful gale blows asking everyone to bow against herand her sadness flows from the clouds in the form of tears as rain. For others these may be just because scientific whys and wherefores but I always try to seek life in all this.

Such kind of weather turns me on because it gives me a feeling of liveliness around me. It feels that there is somebody who lives and sometimes sacrifices himself entirely for others. In our society everyone lives for himself. But its not the life actually. They are not leading a meaningful life. They are just wasting all their efforts and proceeding towards eternity. The joy of life can be cherished when you do something for others, when you do live for others as well. No matter how small is the act of kindness but the relief that springs from such deeds seems somehow perennial. A relief automatically emerges in your heart when you see a smile on a grim face.

But I can't blame for many of us to be selfsh. Many of us do make sacrifices but they are always motivated by some tragic events that steer their life furthur. Till now I never came across even a single person who was doing everything voluntarily. Someone truly said:

ONLY WEARER KNOWS WHERE THE SHOE PINCHES.

anonymous flight ...

Now, thinking deep about myself seems ridiculous to me. Leading a desolate life as a bird, who was passionate about flying but now finds he has nowhere to land. I regret for the day these wings stuck to me.

Who does not want to fly? But it has been a long time and eventually I am fed with all this. Now, I am afraid of such heights. Smothered with hallucination, everything now seems as if an illusion of life. I want to land somewhere firmly and forever. I want to see the things lucidly and closely. I used to think just don’t be simple. You ought to have something special in you. But there is a limit say saturation when you do realise the things exactly the way they are and you want to be simple nothing else.

Was it really me who wanted to fly ? Or he was someone else who persuaded me to be so? Now I m alone and deplorable on my own thoughts. Once I had many flying with me. But I was too egotist to accompany them. I wanted to be ahead. So flying fast I did not pay heed to anyone.

Now contemplation reveals it was my own boat with me at the helm and my ego supporting the sail as the mast. I not only wanted to be ahead but at the top as well. So I moved slantly towards the sky and never looked down. Now I am far away lost in my wished heights. Now I find its blue down me, blue ahead of me, blue above me, blue besides me and myself caught in the white floating clouds sqeezing my ego out of me now and then.

Wihtout thoughts that steered my life now I am feeling aggrieved. Now I do not want to fly high but I am forced to fly high to see long if there is land. If I had known that its quite lonely and hard at the top I would never have wanted to fly high. I just wanted to be the highest and perhaps that drove me so far.

Now I know the firmament is much beyond and in an attempt to fly high you may fall into abyss of oblivion. So its better to be on earth. At least you have the stability and firmness everyone at last craves for.

eyes closed !!

What if he could keep his eyes open for long ??
Feeling dizzy,
He thought whole of the movie was scuzzy;

Thinking himself "Dandy" for long,
He now found his "Inner-self" shabby;

Wandering for more,
He even lost what he possessed;

Now he knew the world was minute,
And whatever he cared for was futile;

They say:
Life is wonderful, you just need eyes to relish it;

Then why did he always close his eyes ??
Whether he wept or enjoyed ,
Whether he missed or scored,
Whether he lost or won,
Whether he slept or contemplated,
Whether he cursed or prayed,

He always closed his eyes,

No one told him to do so,
Then was he too foolish to miss,
Or too genius to cherish;

Does he love the dark,
Or it is serenity he always sought for!!

craving for innocence!!

he is no match for them,
they are too clever for him;

they always play & then pretend,
but he is able to just see;

aiming at the sky,
they are perhaps diving deep into the sea;

they are the players,
who sail under the guise of glee;

while i was just awaken,
they were running too fast;

he thought it was easy to flee,
but now he was too tired to cross the sea;

please be his ferryman,
he is too weak and down to his knee;

they always slander and traduce,
but why its only him who always pay the fee;

let him gain his innocence back,
perhaps he does not wanna run;

better if he disavows the things,
he will grieve if he does see;

the world is too much with him,
he can not run anymore;

no more huffing and puffing,
just stand and vide,
how will it be???

what is this life for??

Whenever i get up from a good sleep probably not before classes in the morning as i am always late & caught in worry vortex but when i am free to think say after siesta, i don't know why i am drawn contemplative or simply saying more philosophical. They say everyone is here for a special cause but 1 don't understand exactly what i am here for. Just to follow traditional things happening thereby for ages. Whatever i do, whatever i am, what if i live or die? Does it make difference to the world? The answer is NO.
As far as my thoughts reveal, life is nothing but your own thoughts. Whatever you think you probably become the same. Mostly the thought is driven by circumstances. As an example, you may consider Saheed Bhagat Singh, who became a freedom fighter after Jaliawala bagh catastrophe. He might not have been so if did not lose his family members and friends in that tragedy. Most of the times, even small things happening in our life do affect us a lot. As soon as we take cognizance of that thing, we get what you say AIM. We try to attain it and add a meaning to our life. But what if nothing happened? I never came across a thing called "IDEAL LIFE" i.e. a rule or more exactly a benchmark that the ideal way to live your life is this and you may try to be like that. Here, many of us will say yes, we do have such a benchmark. Be a saint and live an ascetic life apart from this frail world and you will be close to the reality. May be i am an atheist. This way of life may be tantamount to knowingly make a fool out of you unless you have someone veteran, who knows the things exactly. The only thing i want to convey is that may be this way is ideally correct but isn't it foolish to just go to jungle and suffer for the things you don't even have an idea. I know it is true to say that, NOTHING VENTURED, NOTHING GAINED, but you should at least have an idea about the things because DISCRETION IS BETTER PART OF VALOR. In my opinion one is ought to have gifted qualities for the same. The only thing i want to say is that it is not justified for a common man.
I think terrorists or jehadis are better to me. At least they have a lucid aim in their life. May be they are wrong by our rules but they are in themselves a hero. They are so because they are made so. They don't know what the things exactly are. The world where they live in, is so confined that none of them, no matter how talented, intelligent or gifted could not help it. But here I am knowing a lot more to them, have a clear distinction of right or wrong but still into the abyss of confusion.
Some want to be a star, some want success as money, name-fame or esteem and some just want to enjoy throughout their entire life. Most our waste their life for slush. All such things provide comfort but are not stable. They last for a while. Isn't there anything stable, eternal that stays as long as i?
There might be few of us fed up with Indian system of studying hard when teen, get a job when young, earn money and then marry someone to have a family & look after it. I know without it life may appear to be monotonous but is it all the life is being meant for? Life is an ecstasy and if you think more, it is quite strange and unusual in itself and much elusive. It is meant for something special one needs to explore and world is full of temptations to stall us from solving the mystery. May be i seem queer for my thoughts but i think we need to contemplate over it.
This has been teasing me for a long time and only thing i could think of and found myself with was just SILENCE...which is eternal...exists everywhere in the vast...so soothing...which i think we all ultimately merge into...

DIVINE REUNION

Shivering in the cold,
Just to have a glimpse;
Standing firm in dark,
Was a fuming cauldron of emotions;
Feelings exuding from his face,
Would have made all blind;

Everything seemed still,
But he wanted to be fast;
Staring at the stars,
He was perhaps looking for the one,
With world fast asleep,
Dogs awaken and barking at distance;

The river was at flood,
With water running fast,
But his emotions were very slow;
Soon there was blowing a gale,
But couldn't draw him pale;
Faint lights at distance delivered glee,
But wanted them to be off;

With tolling of bell at far distance,
It was perhaps time;
He closed his eyes,
Had a gazeless stare into himself,
Now the memories flashed upon,
And he found himself filled with joy…………